Getting Prepared
Ok, so this is when the nerves
and doubts and everything else started to kick in!! It was just over 2 weeks to go before I fly to have the treatment done! By this time, I had been taking the pill for a couple of weeks, this is
just to regulate your period so that you give your eggs the best chance of being ready when you go to have them collected. Also, at this time (10 days before) you start to take the medication that
was so painful to get (more painful that taking it I can promise you!). The first thing I had to take was Puregon, I am not going to go into detail of what each of the medication does because if I am
brutally honest, I have no idea. It’s the one time in my life I will inject something that I have no idea what it is, it was provided by some useless clinic in Leicester somewhere, surely it was
fine? 😊 This came in the form of an injection, I am not going to lie, I was really nervous the first time I did it. I was at my Dad’s house and we were going somewhere! Not
sure where but anyway, that’s where I did my first one, it was absolutely fine! I was nervous for no reason; the injection was a tiny thin needle that you barley feel a scratch with. (some later on
hurt a bit more but this one in the pen version was absolutely fine!) I also had to take folic acid every day for the first 4 days, this was Thursday-Sunday. You then must
have 3 scans pre-travel to ensure the medication is doing what it needs to do, you must give these results to the clinic the same day, so they can tell you if the dosage needs changing. So, I had
them Monday, Wednesday and Friday before travelling on the Sunday. By the time I had my first scan on the Monday I was feeling like death and wondering if it will all be worth it, and my tits were
actually out of control, like friggin huge and rock hard! I would also randomly just cry for no reason at all, still happens occasionally now, must just be hormones, or he fact I am emotionally
unstable – either way. The medication just made me feel a bit weird, can’t really put a finger on specifically what it was but just felt a bit rough! I sent the results from my scan to the clinic and
they advised me to continue with just the Puregon and folic acid until the next scan.
The Wednesday came, and I had my scan
(I went to a private place in Birmingham town centre.) and when I gave the clinic my results, they advised that I was responding slowly so that they may have to do the egg collection a couple of days
later than expected and that I may need to buy more medication. I was nervous now, I didn’t know how this would affect the trip, I didn’t know how this would affect egg collection, I didn’t get told
much information, which to be honest, suited me, the more I knew, the more I would worry and over analyse every possible outcome. So, it was best I didn’t know, again, anything I did know, I asked
the clinic and they were great at telling me just what I needed to know. They also introduced a new drug on this day which was called Menopur. Again, I won’t go into detail but it’s some kind of
hormone extracted from the piss of post-menopausal women… that you then inject in you – yummy! So that night, I had to figure this out, which was fun, as it transpired the useless arseholes at the
clinic in the UK that sent me my medication (not the amazing clinic in Spain) had not put any instructions in on how to use the medication, brilliant!
So, while the Puregon (or Gonal F) came
in a pen with the medication in so it was just as simple as taking the cap off, selecting the dose and injecting, the Menopur came in two parts, one a liquid in a glass vial and the other a white
tablet in a little glass container. This was ridiculous because I had no idea how to even open the vial, it was all glass… I was texting my best friend who had as much clue as me about what the fudge
was going on, to be honest, no idea why I even text her, one of those panic moments where you don’t think straight, course she’s not going to know!!! I ended up putting a post in the IVF Support
group and luckily some beautiful girls in there helped me and directed me to some YouTube videos on how to open them and mix it… how would we actually cope without the internet?!? I can learn to
inject myself, do my make-up and watch carpool karaoke all in one place – DREAM. But seriously, it was petrifying! I tried to open the first vial and it smashed in my hands and cut me, so it started
well! Once you have managed to get in to the little bastard without smashing it or spilling the liquid everywhere you then have to use this scary looking needle to get all the liquid out and mix it
in with the tablet, then luckily, change the needle to the one you will inject with and suck it back in to be able to inject it. Clearly, I am not the most technical with the wording on this but
hopefully you guys know what I mean!! After doing it once, it wasn’t so bad!
Anyway, by the Friday (my last
scanbefore I flew on the Sunday) it still wasn’t looking good, I was still responding slowly – so much for over stimulating!! So they advised I wouldn’t be able to have my eggs collected on the
Mondayand that it would be Tuesday or Wednesday. The new instructions were; Friday: Gonal F + 2 Menopur vials, Saturday: Gonal F + 2 Menopur vials and then Sunday: Gonal F + 2 Menopur vials +
1Cetrotide (which you put together very similarly to the Menopur). Then that was it, I was on a plane!! It felt really weird when I started taking all the medication and injections, like I
hadn’tquite believed it was actually happening until that moment, to be honest, I am over 6 months pregnant and still don’t quite believe it’s happening! I wonder if this is same when you get
pregnantnaturally? Does it just take forever to sink in and feel real? I am sure it will feel pretty real when the contractions start!!
During this time, I just kept thinking,
will it even work?! Clearly my body isn’t reacting well to this! There was a hell of a lot of nerves and everything else around this time, which I assume is pretty normal in this situation! I
remember having a conversation with my Dad about how expensive it’s going to be if it doesn’t work, and him laughing saying it’s going to be a hell of a lot more expensive if it does work!! Which did
relax me a little bit to be honest! This was when I also started having a few doubts about if I was going the right thing, I kept asking myself, are we, this self-serving generation, the reason for
the state of the relationships now? Back in the day, this would never have been a thing, more couples just stayed together and made things work, should I have done that? I know women are more
independent now, does that intimidate men? Can we really have it all? It made me question whether the fact I was so head strong about what I wanted and who I am the reason why none of the
relationships I had worked out. You see these pictures on Instagram #CoupleGoals, it makes us seem like we can have it all but let’s face it, that’s all a bag of shit really, a highlight reel, not
real life. But it was a really tough time, I don’t think the hormones helped at all, my emotions were all over the place!! I know they are bound to be, but when you are in it, its really hard to
rationalise that it might just be hormones and that I might be feeling over sensitive! But really, I did question a lot if I was doing the right thing, they were just inner doubts and fears, I knew I
wanted to be a mother and I knew I would bring life into the world and do the best I could to give them the most amazing life, but still, it was scary! Ridiculously, I also had this irrational fear
of being made into a meme, I have no idea what kind of meme, but we are in the era of memes so you never know. I actually find this hilarious now, but at the time it was a genuine concern of mine,
that people would find out what I was doing and make a meme out of me, you know like the ugly Hemsworth brother? The odd one out that always gets the shit ripped out of them. I thought, just what I
need. Brilliant. Luckily to date, I have got away meme free!
