Pregancy Rules

By the time my 12-week scan was coming up I had already had 3 scans, I think my baby is the most scanned child in history. I did google once if you can over scan a baby, after my Aunts friend asked her, turns out no radiation is used to its perfectly safe – phew! I had kind of gotten over the fear of bubba having no heartbeat at this point, having heard it 3 times, each time was still music to my ears though to be honest, its another thing that doesn’t get old. But then the 12-week scan includes some tests you can have done so then the panic moved on to that. I remember reading stories online and seeing posts in the groups and convinced myself my child is going have some sort of chromosomal issue even though I have none of the factors - anxiety level 10 when pregnant apparently!! They test for Downs Syndrome, Patau’s syndrome and Edwards’ syndrome, if they have Patau or Edwards they most likely will not make it to birth and if they do, they would not live long. So, it is very scary. I also realise that I am lucky because my 12-week scan was my 4^thscan and it would normally be most people’s 1^st, I had already gotten to see little Bean 3 times! I went with my mom to the scan; my grandparents were going to come but my Nana wasn’t feeling well so didn’t feel up to it. They checked over everything and gave me my due date, I think this scan is actually called your “dating scan”, so I was due on 19^th July(the private clinic had already given me this date, but it was good to have it confirmed).

After my 12-week scan I went out and bought my first thing for Bean, a baby grow that cost £16 just for one from Mothercare but it has Peter Rabbit on it and a little collar, so I just couldn’t resist, it was too cute! I also had this fear in my head that someone was going to buy something before me and I wanted to be the first one to buy something. I had waited so long to be able to buy stuff for a baby, I remember going into Mothercare a few years ago to buy a present for one of my friends who had a baby and I walked around wanting to cry because it felt like I was never going to get my turn and now it was here. It seems silly now I think getting so excited just to buy a baby grow but it just felt like a huge step forward. Hopefully those mamas out there will understand this excitement over such a small thing! But I also didn’t want to buy anything until I was 12 weeks for fear of jinxing the pregnancy, somehow in my head if I bought something, the pregnancy was then bound to be doomed!

Doubts set in around this point again, these nagging voices in the back of your head basically telling me constantly all the things that can go wrong, like I said before, I think its very natural to worry but sometimes we don’t talk out loud about all the things we think because of fear of sounding silly or feeling like you are on your own in the way you feel. But you’re not mamas, its fucking petrifying! I kept having dreams I was going to have a still born baby, that even if I was lucky enough to make it to full term, that something was still going to go horribly wrong. Also, something I had never even really thought about before was something that people now constantly talk about… SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. WHAT THE FUDGE? Its so scary and there are all these things that apparently you can and can’t use because its linked to SIDS, I sometimes think its like when they tell you deodorant is linked to cancer, or burnt toast is linked to cancer, everything can friggin kill you. But when its yourself, its not as scary because at least you’ve done it to yourself if something happens, now I am going to be responsible for another person’s life and I constantly get told the 100 different ways I am likely to kill them, it’s pretty intimidating.

I think the worst part is that everyone telling you this information is genuinely only trying to help and give you advice on what they have been advised is best, but you get so much information and a lot of it contradictory. Its all “my friend did this” or “my midwife recommended this” etc. You get told some things are linked to SIDS but then others say its not or that its fine, and that surely, they wouldn’t be allowed to sell it if it was causing deaths. Its really difficult to decide what to do for best, I think you have to trust your gut, I know I have said this before, and its scary because its all on you, getting advice is great but sometimes its unsolicited and more confusing and makes you feel worse. When someone tells you something you have researched, bought and been happy with has the potential to kill your child, it makes you feel like a failure, like you’re already failing as a mom. And I will repeat, I am 100% sure that people are just trying to help but sometimes it doesn’t! You doubt your ability to make any decision for your baby then, I feel like following on from a couple of instances now that I question everything I buy, I ask all the people I know who are pregnant what they have bought and send them what I am thinking of buying and ask a million questions – I must be really bloody annoying but I am just scared and doing the best I can. Same for having a glass of wine or something, I have had people judge me so hard when I have had a glass of wine (you can see it in their face) and yet they will be sat there eating shell fish, which apparently you are not meant to eat. Now, I don’t want to judge anyone because I know how horrible it feels but don’t judge me for having a glass of wine (which the midwife has said a glass a week is absolutely fine – and I haven’t even had one a week!) when there are other things they say not to do that you are doing! And realistically, most of our parents probably smoked and drank while they were pregnant with us because the affects just weren’t as known back then! Also, it changes constantly! The recommendation used to be that you couldn’t eat nuts in case the baby had an allergy, now you can eat nuts and it’s fine. Just do the best you can with the information you know!

By no means am I saying, go smoke, take drugs, get pissed and sleep with strange men (sounds like a dodgy Benidorm night out or something…) but you know what I mean, don’t give yourself such a hard time by trying to follow every single bloody rule out there, firstly, some of the rules contradict themselves and you will kill yourself trying to tick every “I’m the perfect mom” box out there! Secondly, there is no perfect human out there, we’re all just winging it anyway and there is enough pressure on us women before we even become pregnant and then become moms, don’t be piling the pressure on yourself as well. There are plenty of other dickheads in the world who seem to be more than willing to judge you and give you shit for every decision or choice you make, so do me and you a favour and give yourself a break, you’re doing the best you can and that is enough!