We Are In This Together

As last week was such a success with sharing Michelle’s story, I have a treat for you again this week. This week I have spoken to 2 incredible ladies who have both gone through rollercoaster journeys to get them to where they are today. This journey is so scary and can be really lonely at times so these ladies have been brave enough to share their stories in the hopes it touches someone somewhere and helps them know that they are not alone, that they’re not the only ones who feel like they’re going mad sometimes and take solace in the fact there are women all over the world in the same boat, going through the same emotions and hopefully give them some comfort that it’s all normal and just part of this crazy journey to motherhood. Thank you both so much for sharing this with me and my readers, I can’t express enough how important I think it is to share, so thank you for allowing me into a snippet of your journey’s, you guys are awesome!


Courtney

Courtney & her husband tried to conceive for 3/4 years without success and eventually got accepted for IVF, they had unexplained fertility issues. Still to this day, they don’t know why they couldn’t conceive naturally. The heartbreak each month of looking at a positive test is something you can only understand if you have been there, when you are desperate for a baby, a month feels like a lifetime, let alone 3-4 years! She had IVF 3 times, so that entailed 3 transfers, 1 fresh & 2 frozen. Her experience was a petrifying as she was actually awake during egg collection (not knocked out on the good stuff like I was!) and she described is as probably the most horrific experience of her life, she told me that it felt like a hoover was sucking all her insides out and that she was screaming the theatre down and scared the girl waiting to go after her! Luckily, they managed to collect enough eggs to freeze some so Courtney only had to endure this procedure once!!

 

When I asked her about her relationship with her husband and how the hell they managed to stay so strong through all the heartache, she explained;

“To be honest, I honestly don’t know how. I was a total mess when I was going through it all, we had counselling together a few times with a specialist IVF counsellor which I felt made things worse because I found it so hard to actually admit this is what we needed to do. I was so determined to be a mum that I would have just kept going and going, my husband asked us to have a break for a bit as he hated how broken I had become so we got married and had 2/3 months off but I was even worse thinking how much longer the wait will be to be mum & dad, especially if we took a longer break from it all. I feel like I had tunnel vision and I’ve never been that type of person, I always just give up so easily but with the IVF it was so different, the overwhelming desire to be a mum took over!

 

My husband was amazing, which I’m so grateful for, I see women on the IVF Support group whose husbands just don’t get it and it breaks my heart for them as if I didn’t have Robert there was no chance I would have been able to do it. I did go a bit loopy whilst on injections and tried to jump out the car while he was driving it, the hormones made me a bit suicidal and I couldn’t have got through it without him. I don’t think anyone understands the effects and emotions of going through this, it’s the most difficult journey in the world. But Robert would get me a bunch of flowers if he knew I was having a bad day, he did all my injections for me and came to every single appointment, he did all the house work and cried with me if I needed to cry. Don’t get me wrong there were days we would shout and argue as it’s just so much pressure on you both and he would beg me to stop the treatment until I felt better and able, but I refused to stop as I just needed to be a mum. I often told him to leave me and find someone who could give him a family and that would kill him, he wanted me and our family, but it was just such a tough journey. It was the most difficult thing we’ve ever done but in a weird sense it’s brought us even closer than we have ever been and now we have our big fat positive following the last frozen transfer, we now feel we could conquer anything together.

Courtney is 19 weeks pregnant this week and recently found out their beautiful little rainbow baby is a boy! Courtney, the pain and the emotion you shared with me is so raw, and I am so grateful for you for being brave enough to put this out there. It is so important that we understand just how difficult this journey can be for people, you never know what someone else is going through, so be kind, always. Congratulations and the best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy and on your journey to motherhood.

Maggie


After moving into their home together in 2016 at ages 40 (Maggie) and 38, they started trying to get pregnant, after 12 months of getting negative tests, clearly nothing was happening so they both saw their doctor and had some checks. With Maggie’s age and her partners sperm mobility, the doctor advised them that that could have been the problem and in March 2018 they were told they could self-fund ICSI and approach a clinic of their choice. They were very lucky to have some savings to fund this, not everyone is able to afford it. Maggie and her partner didn’t qualify for NHS funding because Maggie was 40 and NHS policy is that you don’t qualify if you are 40. So, if you just happen to meet your partner later in life, you don’t get this funding and some peoples dreams of having a family at this point get taken away. That’s heart-breaking. As I said, luckily for Maggie, she had worked hard and done lots of over time to manage to have a pot of savings. I asked Maggie to talk me through her journey;

“Our first meeting was in April and we were able to start medication on 31st May 2018. After injections in June we had egg collection on 29th June. 5 eggs were collected and the next day we heard 2 had fertilised. Transfer was going to be on Monday 2nd July, we said we'd have both implanted to give us the best chance. On Monday, we got ready and once in theatre, the doctor tried for nearly 40 minutes to get the catheter through my cervical canal but couldn’t, it transpired I needed a hysteroscopy to have the canal widened which requires the insertion of dilators. It was so upsetting to leave our embryo at the clinic (only 1 was frozen as the other hadn't done as well by day 3 and wouldn't have made the freezing process). The clinic manager advised us it's not a fail, it's a delay but still at this point when you only have 1 egg, one chance, it felt like such a huge set back. I was straight on the phone to get a private referral to the gynaecologist as it would be quicker than to have the operation on the NHS and by this point, we just didn’t want to wait. We saw the gynaecologist at the end of July and had the hysteroscopy on the 23rd of August. The procedure is pretty intense, and I had an endometrial scratch done at the same time, this is where they superficially wound the lining of the womb to improve the receptivity of the uterus to the embryo. I went home the same day and booked in with the clinic the next day for a September appointment, no need to wait! I started meds for a frozen egg transfer  end of September and ended up having late implant, day 23, in October 19! Implant went as it should and I got told for the 2nd time that I had a great womb lining, what a compliment, “Hi, I'm Maggie, my personality is shit but I've got great lining”. We were the on our way home with our little embryo safe in my womb, praying that they stuck! I waited to test on the recommended test day 2 weeks later, 30th Oct  came, I only did 1 test and we cried, it was positive!!! We feel so lucky! He's our very special baby boy!”

Maggie’s due date is the 9th July, they cannot wait until their little boy arrives, but Maggie did say she will miss her bump! Maggie and her partner won’t have IVF again as Maggie is 44 this year but their friends do keep joking that it could happen naturally as these things sometimes do!! Either way, whatever happens, they are happy with their outcome. All the best with everything Maggie, you are such a trooper and I wish you all the luck in the world as you finally get to live your dream of being a mom.

 

And here’s a shout out to all the partners our there, supporting their loved ones on this journey, whether that be a husband, a wife, a parent, a sibling, a friend, whoever it is that’s supporting you and enabling you to carry on (sperm donor in my case – thank you anonymous guy who spunked in a cup – you’re the bomb!). Yes, it’s damn hard doing injections, dealing with the emotions, the heartache, the unwavering sick feeling in your belly because you are so petrified this might never happen for you. But, they have to watch us all go through this, all the time battling their own very real fears as well, their concern for you, being completely out of control and not being able to help when they want to – we all have to be such fighters on this journey, not just us having the procedures, this is very much a joint effort. So, thank you to all those amazing partners out there, we couldn’t do it without you.