This was it, I was on my journey to
motherhood!! I also later found out from a google search (my fave kind of search – who googles everything?! I do and then convince myself I have some rare disease no-one has ever heard of) that
Spain has the highest rates of success for IVF too! WINNING! The first email I had back from the clinic was outlining the different treatment options I had, they offered either artificial
insemination with sperm donor or they offered IVF/ICSI. Artificial insemination being where they just turkey baste the sperm into you (I am sure its more technical than that but genuinely when
you talk about IVF that’s what people think happens anyway!) and IVF/ICSI being where they complete an egg collection and they either leave the sperm in a dish with the egg for them to find their
way (IVF) or they fertilise the eggs themselves (ICSI). If you didn’t already know, I am no doctor, so disclaimer, this is just my understanding of the procedures and not any kind of expert
explanations! Looking at the price of the treatment, I know which one looked more appealing, but the success rates looked even more appealing for IVF or ICSI, so I decided to opt for ICSI. The
clinic I went with had a 53% success rate in women aged 36-40 so I knew being younger that my chances were potentially higher as well. Also, because I had PCOS and didn’t ovulate naturally
(according to tests I had done at NHS clinics in Birmingham) I knew I needed eggs collecting so it was always going to be the optimum option, and because I had enough money to have 1 shot at
this, I needed the best chance I could possibly get. No pressure or anything...
When you start looking or even thinking
about IVF to be honest, you start to realise actually just how difficult it can be for some people to get pregnant, I don’t think we think of this normally as when you are a kid in school, they teach
you if you have sex once you are going to get the clap and pregnant and probably DIE! And whilst, I agree that obviously it should be taken seriously, it does give you a warped sense of getting
pregnant, it makes it seem like the easiest thing in the world. So, when you are ready to have a baby and it doesn’t happen, its heart breaking. I don’t know exactly how you get the balance, but
maybe we should be warned that actually it might not be that easy. Around 1 in 7 couples have difficulty conceiving and for the majority of couples it takes at least 3 months, it doesn’t happen
overnight. And even then, miscarriage is SO common, doctors reckon that roughly 50% of conceptions never make it to a positive pregnancy test and even then, 15-20% of those will miscarry before 12
weeks. It’s a fucking minefield. I am all for teaching young adults about contraception, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we just let them go at it and hope for the best, but we grow up with
this perception that it happens just like that and it really doesn’t. Even me, who has PCOS (which again, affects 1 in 5 women!!) didn’t realise just how difficult it could be to not only conceive,
but then get a positive and THEN keep the baby until 12 weeks. That’s a lot of pressure on a woman! And to be honest, even after that you still hear horror stories about late miscarriages and still
births and all sorts so I think the intention from the world is that we are just meant to be terrified of everything! Also, with PCOS they are not sure quite how the drugs are going to affect you but
that its likely you could over stimulate! I went through a brief conversation with clinics in the UK to just to get an idea on cost etc and one doctor point blank refused to even entertain the idea
of helping me source the drugs in the UK because of the concern over stimulation causes. They said it can be hugely dangerous. I actually under stimulated in the end but the number of eggs collected
compared to others with or without PCOS is huge (I will come on to this in a later blog entry).
Having PCOS is effectively being hairy, fat and infertile - all the things a woman wants!
The next thing to come about is all the
blood tests they wanted to do, in hind sight, this should have been a bit of a warning sign, it transpires when you’re preggo, everyone is interested in your blood and wee – honestly, they take it
every appointment you go to! So, if you have an innate fear of needles or blood (like my sister and my cousin) you will have to get over this pretty quickly because they love it!! So, I had this list
of blood tests that were from Spain that I had to take to my GP, to be honest, they were really good about it and said to book an appointment in with the nurse who could do them for me. I think I had
about 11 vials taken on the one appointment, and some of the translations were quite hard so I ended up going back and forth with the clinic a few times. I would say this was one of the only down
falls about the clinic being abroad, it wasn’t as simple as picking up the phone due to the charges and opening hours difference, so everything was done via email which meant that sometimes the
responses were a bit slow too, which was no-one’s fault, just how it worked. It also meant there was a bit of a language barrier, the lady who was my contact at the clinic spoke incredible English to
be honest, and as a nation we are SO terrible at other languages, so I can’t really fault her but naturally it was a bit more challenging than if they had of being in the UK. It also meant I was the
go between, where as again, if it had of been in the UK, it would have meant the GP and clinic would have spoken a bit more rather than me always passing the messages on.
The procedure and what this was going
to be like was a bit daunting, to be honest, the clinic didn’t give me too much information on how exactly this was going to work, all they said was that I would need to be over there for a week, I
would arrive on the Sunday, have my eggs collected on the Monday and then transfer back on the Friday. That way I could rest on the Saturday before flying home on the Sunday. Some people are quite
over dramatic about all of this saying they took the 2 weeks off after transfer, but I was just told not to do TOO much. I went straight back to work when I eventually got back (yes, more issues,
again I will come on to later down the line!!). I would also require a scan before I went, so I booked this in at a local clinic, this is just to check everything is okay in there initially, the
other scans you then have to have are to keep an eye on how your eggs are growing before egg collection (I am going to do a whole chapter on this specific part). I don’t know about you, but egg
collection sounds alright when you just say it like that but when you think about what it actually means, it made me want to cross my legs and clench my vagina. You know that feeling you get when
that grim friend of yours tells you about the guy with the massive penis, or someone uses the word “tear” when telling you their birth story – yeah, that feeling! My vagina felt like it was going to
implode and take everything in around it every time I thought about what egg collection meant. It turns out, it really isn’t that bad!
With all this information starting to
come through, it was overwhelming but mainly I was so excited about it, it was starting to feel like it was moving forward, and my dream was getting closer and closer by the day. I am not one of
those people who needs to understand every tiny detail about something before I do it, so I let most of the information I received or read go over my head really, my advice to anyone looking to go
through this journey is just go with your gut. Genuinely if you wanted to know every detail and research every tiny thing, you will drive yourself mad, try to just trust your instincts about clinics
and which option of treatment you will go for, there will be a million reasons why you should or shouldn’t do something, just trust yourself. Plus, most of what you read or hear from people is horror
stories, which really doesn’t help you! This is a lovely thing that seems to continue all the way through pregnancy as well, everyone loves a scare monger, right?! WRONG! They are idiots, I
understand being aware and being careful so advise people of that but don’t tell them about your friends Aunts husbands’ niece who had some horrendous experience because it doesn’t help anyone, so if
this is you, don’t be a dick! Go with your gut, listen to your instincts and try to drown out the noise of the morons around you – you will be fine, this is your journey, and this is what you want,
don’t let others get in your head – you got this girl!
I was talking to most people about
what I was planning to do at this point, I wasn’t ashamed or worried about anything (naïve, I know!), but people were a bit more sceptical than me. Close friends and family would air their
concerns which was understandable, it was a huge decision I was making but sometimes people who I wasn’t even really that close to would be so judgemental when I discussed that this was something
I was seriously considering. Why do people think it’s okay to do this?? I understand concern but outright saying “I don’t think you should do it” well fuck me, what a compelling argument, I wish
you had been there to make all my decisions for me!!! Like, okay, great, thanks but FUCK OFF and keep it to yourself! I might regret that when I’m doing feeds at 4am completely alone but do you know what, that’s my choice and I am confident and happy in my decision and didn’t ask for an
opinion! I should have thought about it a bit more before discussing it all really, I was just SO excited that this was what I was going to be doing and was so proud of myself for not being
afraid to just go for it so when people pissed all over my parade it was bloody frustrating. In the end I decided not to discuss it with anyone but my very closest friends and family. I had my
heart set on going after I turned 30 which was the February, so I spoke to my mom and my sister and they agreed to split the time there with me, so I wasn’t alone. That was it, I was going for
it, now all I had to do was organise my medication and wait – if only it had been that simple!!
